Finding a real partner who is knowledgeable and active in adult sexy can be difficult and even uncomfortable for swingers. You want to find someone who is as open-minded as you are and has no qualms about sharing their body with a virtual stranger. Unfortunately, the emotional maturity that this aspect of adult sexy involves is not something people are ready for on a first date. On the other hand, staying in a familiar community can mean you’ll always see the same faces, limiting your options for the long term. Sometimes, you want to expand your horizons and meet new people. Or maybe you’ll find someone who surprises you and develops feelings you never expected. The stumbling block at this point is, what if this adult sexy thing happened? Because this is a more commonly accepted and practiced lifestyle, most people you meet don’t know what goes on in the swinger community. You don’t understand the mindset and may even see “adult sexy” as another way of showing that you are cheating on your partner. On the rare occasion that you find an ally in The Adult Sexy who wants to date you, you’ll need to determine if that person is emotionally and mentally okay with The Lifestyle or if they expect you to move on to Adult Sexy later. The whole process can be stressful, but if you find someone who is worth it and willing to overcome your differences, Adult Sexy will be one of the strongest you’ll ever have.
Explain your needs
When dating someone, it is just as important for the other person to understand yours. As long as you agree on everything that entails, one swinger can remain a swinger while the other remains a swinger. Unfortunately, this means making yourself completely vulnerable in the early stages and exposing yourself to difficult discussions that may lead to abandoning the group if you cannot agree on how to proceed. The most important part of this early discussion is that, as a swinger, you need a certain level of fulfillment to be happy in the long term in terms of sex. Whether this means you need to bring other players into the bedroom to feel fulfilled or what your specific needs are, it is important to make this clear from the beginning to avoid later heartache and resentment.
Open Communication Channels
It’s also important to talk about communication. For example, if your partner is happy with you maintaining your lifestyle, how much does he want to know about your external? Does he want to know in advance everyone you have sex with, or does he want to know when you’re going out for the night? These boundaries can make or break a, especially if this is your partner’s first time dating a swinger. It may take him a while to separate the emotional aspects of adult sexy from purely physical sex with swingers that have no emotional connection. It’s a fine line and may be difficult to navigate at first. So be prepared to communicate a lot at first.
Give your partner time to adjust
If you decide it’s worth dating the right partner, be prepared to slow down until he gets used to your lifestyle. It’s usually easy to get used to the fact that he doesn’t want to have sex with other people. However, if you’ve never dated a swinger before, he may be jealous or protective of his territory at first. A way to curb these feelings could be to slowly introduce him to hangouts and discuss who you’ll have sex with. Be clear about what attracts you to this person, and ask your partner who he finds attractive. Simple reciprocation can help them relax if you pay enough attention simultaneously. That way, you can convince her that although you find the other person physically attractive, they are the only person you want to be with on an emotional level. Open and honest communication also helps the other person understand that you don’t want to hide anything and helps build as much trust as possible in you.
Set Boundaries Together
One thing to remember is that most people have never tried anything outside of an adult sexy. Many believe that this is the only “acceptable.” Even if they are aware of the swinger lifestyle, it is usually something completely new for them, and it may take some time to adjust and understand the basics. So you don’t have to develop an emotional connection with the person you have sex with. However, settings and limitations can exist, such as no kissing or bringing people into your house. It may take time to encourage your partner to set these boundaries and be honest with themselves, but it’s important to be clear that you can always change your mind about things. For swingers/couples who have been together for a long time, it’s common for partners to want to try certain aspects of the lifestyle at some point. Whether their swinger partner likes to watch them pick up someone, watch them have sex, or even participate in a threesome or orgy, it’s normal for them to want to try it. You may like it, or you may find that it’s not for you. Whatever her decision, it’s important to remind her that her feelings are valid and that, as an adult, you support her sexual preferences just as she supports yours. But it’s a fine line we have to walk, and sometimes, we all need time to learn how best to walk that line.
